Feeding the Children

On our last 3 days in Belfast I got to help with the feeding program. One day I served Pap which so hot and thick. It was really hard to get out of the pot and you kind of had to chuck it on the children's plates to transfer it from the scoop! I'm surprised they didn't end up wearing it with my efforts.

On the menu, on Wednesday, the Grannies were most excited because they had managed to obtain some chicken's heads and feet. So serving up we had to ask the children if they wanted a head or a foot. It was gross, quite frankly. There was no meat on either but it was something interesting for the children to chew on I guess???

Before each meal the children would gather to gether and sing corus' and thank God for their food. Then they would be called through on a register and you got to see the kids that were heading up households on their own.

Our last team out to SA had visited a lady called Gloria who was very sick and distressed about what would happen to her children. Sadly she had died the night after they visited. This really upset our team and they were keen to know that her children would be looked after as part of the feeding program. I asked Prudence if they were there and ok. She introduced me. It's so good to see that this system really is working but also sad to see such lovely girls without their mum.

Day 6 - Belfast - Prudence

This afternoon had been set aside for the Love Life team and us to play football with the kids. We'd bought them 4 footballs as we hadn't seen any around and by the end of the afternoon at least 2 had completely had it! I decided that my best role was the cheer the teams on so I sat on the sides and enjoyed playing with the kids and chatting to Prudence.

Prudence is such a beautiful girl with an infectious smile and as for singing. Wow she's got THE most beautiful voice. She asked me if I lead songs in England. After a while I realised she meant that did I start songs and then everyone join in like they do in Africa. Er no! I would love to have found out more about how they sing and know who will start songs etc. She broke into an amazing recital of Celin Dion's My Heart Will Go On which stunned us all not only because it was beautifully sung but also because Cat had at lunch time recited the whole Titanic story to us, I can't even remember why now. Weird co-incidence.

But a bizarre question she'd asked me got us on to talking about relationships. I learnt that she didn't have a husband but she had a boyfriend who was also her 2 year old son, Roland's father. I asked her if they were going to get married and she told me she didn't know. She said that the reason they hadn't married was because her boyfriend could not afford her Lobola (this is like her dowry - a bride price).

I felt tears of fustration pricking my eyes again. I mean how are people supposed to have proper relationships and be committed to one another if they can't even get married? It seems to me that the issue of the Lobola is just compounding the problems of people not sticking to relationships and ending up sleeping around.

It was another piece of the mystery revealed to me.

Day 6 - Belfast - Unravelling the mystery

South Africa seems like a mystery waiting to be unravelled. Aspects of it are so frustrating and feel like you're banging your head against a brick wall.

This morning we sat the whole morning listening to the Grannies having a discussion about Farming God's Way and then health issues. Mark commented at the end that as a team we could have been putting up the enormous water butt that has been purchased. You can see it in the back ground of this picture lying against a wall. It's obviously been there a while. How much longer will it be there before it's put to use?

After the talk on farming, they went on to talk about health issues. Before we came out to South Africa we were asked to lead a workshop on cancer care for their patient support group. We said very firmly that none of us were qualified doctors so we would not be able to run that workshop. When we got to SA once again it was mentioned that we would be running the workshop and when Cat reminded them that we would not be running the workshop, it was suggested that she 'Googled' the information!

So this morning it wasn't really a surprise when during the health talk Doris turned to us and asked us to teach them on patient care.

I've learnt that even the little we do know seems to be more that the little they know and they need to be taught about even minor things like the fact that when taking medication you should complete the course. When people get TB they are given a course of medication for 6 months but quite often start to feel better early on and don't finish the course. Then the TB returns and is much worse the second time.

I also learnt more about the AIDS pandemic. Over 75% of the people in the community of Belfast are HIV positive. They have access to condoms but don't use them. Often a person with HIV will sleep around and maybe infect 10 others so that he doesn't die on his own.

When girls who are HIV positive give birth, they take a tablet just as the baby's head is crowning. They believe this tablet stops the baby's blood mixing with the mother's and therefore stops the baby becoming infected with HIV.

Day 5 - Belfast - A tricky conversation

As we were talking Doris asked me about our journey to South Africa. She was blown away that we would travel to be with them especially spending that amount of money. She asked how much the flights cost. So wanting to be honest I told her and watched her jaw drop!

I felt us getting on to tricky territory as she said 'you must be very rich to afford that price'. I explained that we did indeed have more money in our country but she then said 'I will come and live in your country and work'. Ahhh! So I found myself explaining that although our country is rich we are poor emotionally and spiritually.

But this is a common problem. As soon as people in Africa develop a skill or decide they want to do more with their life, they often will leave Africa to seek more affluent climates. This then leaves their communities with vulnerable people who become more vulnerable as they don't have the strength to pull through.

I found myself trying to explain to Doris that her role in the community was vital and felt myself feeling panic that she might leave it in search of a more comfortable life for her family.

Day 5 - Belfast - Young Mum's workshop

Lunch fed everyone today! And after lunch it was time for the Workshops. Margaret and I ran a workshop for 24 girls who were young mums aging from 16-25, although they all looked younger.

Doris who co-ordinates life @ the compound was going to interpret for us. She's in the picture - another beautiful lady!

This was the hardest thing I’d done whilst here. How do you build an instant relationship to be able to go deeper when you can’t speak the language and are not sure what culture taboos you’re going to be stepping on. My remit was to cover a vast range of subjects from Breastfeeding, to parenting, to sex and relationships! But I had no idea about these girls or their culture. Were they single parents? Were they part of the sleeping around culture? Had they had their babies just to get the grant money from the government (something many girls do out there so that they can eat!)?

We went round the group getting the girls to introduce themselves and tell us about their circumstances, and trying to persuade Doris NOT to answer all the questions for them! They all said they were not married and didn’t have boyfriends so how could I teach relationship stuff?

In the end I settled on parenting! We looked at some aspects of parenting and then widened it out to the Love Languages – the concept that each of us feels loved in a different way. It maybe when someone spends time with us, or if someone says nice things about us. It may be if we’re bought a gift or it could be someone doing something for us ie going to fetch our water. Or it could be through physical touch. This is a great concept because it applies to children AND adults! So having talked about it in terms of their kids, we could talk about how they liked to receive love. They mostly said if a boy bought them a mobile phone!!! HELP!

I felt such a failure at the end. I mean wasn’t it my job to instruct these girls about the pitfalls of easy relationships and the importance of sticking long term to relationships? And I hadn’t even come close to that. But I guess I’m a relational person and was never going to be able to just plunge at the deep end and say through an interpreter on my 2nd day in the community – right let’s talk about sex!

On the plus side, this was the first time these girls had been gathered together in this kind of group and if they can keep that group going that’s going to be such a powerful way to build relationship and then be able to talk about more important stuff than I was able to get on. So there was hope at the end of my feelings of failure.

There was other groups going on, Cat, Sophie and Krystal were taking a group of 13-18 year olds and trying to get them to talk about relationships. At the end of the day, this is preventative stuff. If we can get to these kids early enough we can change the way things are.

And the men were leading a group of 13-18 year old boys with the help of the boys from Love Life. This group went down a storm. I think the fact that Love Life knew the culture and were able to facilitate discussions just made all the difference. They were really able to have an impact and the boys were keen to know more and make a difference in their community. It was so good to hear.

The girls group was trickier; once again, like mine getting the girls to chat and open up about relationships was really hard. Perhaps they are not allowed to talk about it in their culture.

As we sat with Doris after the groups and talked about how hard the groups had been, she wept and we saw how passionately she feels the plight of the community.

Day 5 - Belfast

Our days start early here. We're up at 6am to leave for the hours journey to Belfast at 7.30am. However, by the time we arrive in Belfast the 'grannies' look like it's already halfway through their day. They are busily watering their garden.

I learned a lot about praying for people when you don't really know what to pray for, for them and what they can understand of what you're praying for.

Today we did more Home Based Caring. Cat and I were chuffed to bits when the grannies who we'd been out with the day before demanded that we go with them again. (More so as it had felt like picking teams at the football match with us all stood there waiting to be picked by the grannies!). I found myself more in my comfort zone with the visiting, although it was all relative as I still never knew what was going to happen next!

We met more of the same kinds of people we’d met on the previous day. Elderly sick people, although we did meet a mentally ill girl. I say girl, she was actually older than me – 40. But she had a childlike quality and was in this beautiful dress that made her look stunning despite the torment going on behind her eyes and the tinge of grey in her hair. She had such a vacant face.

Another house we visited and had to take our shoes off before entering. I’ll admit I was thinking, ok what am I going to tread on here! But we were ushered into the lounge of a lady suffering from TB. We were all crammed into this lounge. 3 grannies, the lady, Fele, Cat & I and it was all a bit surreal especially as when I sat down I was kind of aware that I was sitting on something that looked a bit like someone’s wig! And so the grannies were doing their thing – sometimes talking, sometimes just sitting but suddenly sitting in this lounge I felt God just sweep round the room and say to me – look at these women, aren’t they amazing. I love them so much’. I had an awareness of His love for them and felt tears stinging my eyes as once again I tried to stop them flowing. As I felt God’s love for them, I found myself falling in love with them despite the fact that I’d known them less than2 days and couldn’t even communicate with them properly.

As we were walking back to the compound with the Grannies, after visiting, one of them turned to us and explained with the help of the other Grannies that one of them had cancer and was about to go to the clinic. She wanted us to pray for her. So there and then in the middle of the dusty road, Cat and I prayed for her. It almost felt like she was saying, I've seen you praying for all those people, now I want some of that for me! What a privelege!!!! And once again so humbling.

Today the children wanted to play with us and it was hard to know what to do with them especially with the language barrier. There was no space to play anything particular. We were just all sat under a large tree. I found myself circling my finger round one girls palm and resisting ‘round and round the garden and that was it the kids were all over me. I was having hands shoved in my face left, right and centre. These kids love being tickled!!!

Day 4 - Belfast - Lunch - Food runs out

As we sat under a tree eating our lunch, all these children started to appear from no-where. Everyday 100-150 kids turn up to the compound for their lunch. They are all orphaned or vulnerable children. As I looked around I saw a girl in school uniform breast feeding a toddler that I'd seen running around earlier. I caught my breath because she was so young and naturally the school uniform made her look even younger.

As the children all gathered together they started to sing and pray before their lunch. Doris the leader of the project called to me and said 'Fiona, come and teach the children'. And I'm thinking, have I missed something here? Teach them what? Did I miss the bit on the schedule that dropped me completely in it?!!!! 'Fiona gives a 10 minute presentation on ........' Yikes! So I turned to Cat, let's face it she runs the children's ministry in our church - an automatic qualification I think! 'What shall we teach them?' We asked Doris. 'Just teach them' was her reply. So Cat gave them a short talk on personal hygene and then we sang them a song. Let's face it we'd been through the humilation in church, we were getting used to it! They did start to try and join in and looked fairly enthusisiastic, bless them!

They then all queued up for their lunch. Everyday lunch for them is a third of a plate of pap (pap is a kind of white sticky substance, like a cross between ready break and rice. It didn't look great!), and a third of a mug of broth or stew. We watched whole families called up for food and realising that some of these children were looking after their younger brothers and sisters single handedly was emotional. After a while, we noticed that the the queue was still increasing and the food very much decreasing. We realised we were going to run out. Panic started to set in amounts us, although it was only us, English people who were panicing. Everyone else wasn't bothered. The food runs out, that's the way it is. We had 20 children left, the food had gone. They didn't cry, shout or throw a tantrum, they just looked at us with acceptance. We were distraught! We started to ransack the leftovers of our lunch to see if we could find food there to feed them. We found tiny amounts of pasta salad, apples and buscuits. Each child ended up with salad or a few buscuits or an apple. It was horrible. Later as the children played I watched a boy with his apple. A two year old boy was hanging off him and jumping up trying to get a bit of his apple. Earlier I'd seen the 2 year old having a good meal. However the boy still broke a chunk off his apple and gave it to the 2 year old.

In the afternoon, a group called Love Life came to do some work with the children. They are 6 men and women all in their late teens who live in the area but have volunteered to organise games for the children and act as positive role models, mentoring them and teaching them. Their moto is 'Learn To Love Your Life'. They blew us away. They were so enthusiastic about bringing change to their community. They were confident and eager. In the picture with them is Krystal who was our Hands@work contact (I should perhaps mention that her hair is not normally like that, the kids had 'restyled' her!)

We all did some icebreakers with the kids and then it was time for them to head off home. And us too. What a day!